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Opinion

News Briefly

BBC APOLOGISES FOR
USING SIGUR ROS IN
ALL THOSE DAVID
ATTENBOROUGH TRAILERS
"It made people curious about Iceland and that was wrong," admits spokesman

CAGE FIGHTING ROBBERS
SPENT £53M ON HOMO-
EROTIC TATTOOS
"Mine is of Leonardo di Caprio in Gangs of New York, all buffed and ready for action," says accused

NATIONAL ECONOMIC
COUNCIL TO MAKE LIST OF
ALL THE THINGS IT CAN'T DO
"I hope the biscuits are good for a change, there's always rubbish biscuits at these things," says junior trade minister

TOP TEN THIS MONTH

• BANKS TO LEND YOU YOUR OWN MONEY
• BASTARD AMERICANS RUIN YOUR LIFE
• NOTHING CAN POSSIBLY GO WRONG WITH GIGANTIC NEW BANK
• LEHMAN EXECS TO LEAD SLIGHTLY LESS OPULENT LIFESTYLES
• LOHAN URGED TO FIND SEXIER GIRLFRIEND
• FUCK THAT, SAY NEW MEN
• EVERYONE MAKING EVERYTHING WORSE, ALL THE TIME
• ROBERT PESTON TRANSFORMED INTO PURE ENERGY
• DOES ALISTAIR DARLING HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO RUN SEVENTEEN BANKS AT ONCE?
• COUNCILS INVESTED £1BN IN TINY VOLCANO SURROUNDED BY FISH

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Mash TV: SOME BIRD

Mash TV2: SOME OTHER BIRD