MILLIONS of men just a shade under five foot nine were devastated last night as it emerged that not even the French presidency can help a short man hang on to Carla Bruni.
Decapitated skeletons 'probably worked in Downing Street' "Their heads seem to have been removed by some sort of electronic device thrown with tremendous force by an unhinged sociopath who will do absolutely anything to remain prime minister," says archaeologist
Government unveils latest high speed rail bullshit that's never going to happen "This will one will go from London to Aberystwyth in 14 seconds and comes with a lovely matching hat," says transport minister
Your stars: libra
Your neighbour comes home from work this week to find that passive- aggressive little note he taped to your car has been reproduced on the side of an 18-wheel lorry and driven through his front window.
TEDIOUS prog rockers Pink Floyd have won their legal bid to make you listen to every last bit of their ghastly albums.
A THEME park inspired by the graphic cruelty of 'torture porn' horror films is too mild for most British children, it was claimed yesterday.
NICK Clegg has pledged to raise the amount of semen coating the inside of Britain's tube socks by at least a fifth.
