WAGS BUG ENGLAND TEAM TALK TO DISCOVER WHERE THAT RASH CAME FROM

ImageThe secret recording of an England team talk was carried out by a group of WAGs desperate to discover why they are having to take antibiotics, it was claimed last night.

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DRUNK WOMEN SUPERB, SAY EXPERTS

ImageWOMEN who get drunk on a regular basis are slim, happy and a bloody good night out, experts have claimed.

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GOVERNMENT BACKS CROCODILE INSURANCE

ImageEVERY crocodile owner in the UK will have to take out insurance under government plans to tackle 12 foot long killing machines with jaws of steel.

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BUSH PLEA TO CAMERON DIAZ OVER 'ONIONISTS'

ImageFORMER US president George W Bush has urged Hollywood actress Cameron Diaz to help secure the support of 'onionists' for the devolution of policing powers in Northern Ireland.

 

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WOMAN COMPLETES FILM WITHOUT BANGING IT INTO OTHER FILM

ImageKATHRYN Bigelow was last night honoured for completing a film without bumping it into any other films in the immediate vicinity.

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SUGABABES 'DATE BACK TO HENRY VIII'

ImageAN EARLY form of Sugababes could have existed during the reign of King Henry VIII, it emerged last night.

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Decapitated skeletons 'probably worked in Downing Street'
"Their heads seem to have been removed by some sort of electronic device thrown with tremendous force by an unhinged sociopath who will do absolutely anything to remain prime minister," says archaeologist

Government unveils latest high speed rail bullshit that's never going to happen
"This will one will go from London to Aberystwyth in 14 seconds and comes with a lovely matching hat," says transport minister

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passive- aggressive little note
he taped to  your car has been
reproduced on the side of an
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