CHURCH of England vicars will bless gay couples as long as they are allowed to quote Bible passages about them being abominations who must be put to death.
Schools urge government to make drug slightly more expensive and a lot more dangerous "We're only trying not to help," says National Association of Head Teachers
'We just assumed it was first years' semen' says top public school "If something tastes funny round here it usually means there's a load of spunk in it," admits spokesman
Your stars: pisces
Spring is definitely in the air as you spray your colleagues' desks with your pungent urine and strut up and down in front of the large-breasted temp, ostentatiously displaying the lining of your new jacket.
THE prophecies of Nostradamus include warnings about fluctuations in the UK property market, it was claimed yesterday.
GORDON Brown last night added the size of chip shop chips to his list of things to dick about with.
AS prices drop to just £2 per line, cocaine has topped a consumer poll as Britain's best-value street drug.
AS spending on the World Cup spirals out of control, South Africa has decided to cancel the tournament and write every supporter a cheque instead.
