CHURCH of England vicars will bless gay couples as long as they are allowed to quote Bible passages about them being abominations who must be put to death.
THE closure of the BBC's 6 Music has enraged thousands of people who insist it is the sort of thing they would probably have liked if they had ever got round to listening to it.
Karen Fenessey 'We've given the green light to battalions of orange schoolgirls to repeatedly copulate with train conductors and weathermen. And nobody needs to see that.' read more...
News Briefly
Schools urge government to make drug slightly more expensive and a lot more dangerous "We're only trying not to help," says National Association of Head Teachers
'We just assumed it was first years' semen' says top public school "If something tastes funny round here it usually means there's a load of spunk in it," admits spokesman
Your stars: taurus
This week you will suggest an insurance scheme for dogs and then abandon it four days later because you're an over-rated arsewit who has no business running the Home Office.
AS spending on the World Cup spirals out of control, South Africa has decided to cancel the tournament and write every supporter a cheque instead.
SOUTH African president Jacob Zuma arrived in London last night on the first leg of his bid to buy Cheryl Cole.
GORDON Brown is considering granting parole to the Yorkshire Ripper in the hope of another opinion poll boost.
