Headache epidemic caused by having to think
EXPERTS have warned the Wikipedia blackout will cause widescale brain injuries as people try to know things.
Britain may have to do some actual work
BRITAIN faces the prospect of having to remove its finger from its arse.
Standard & Poor's upgrades itself
CREDIT rating agency Standard & Poor's has upgraded itself to Triple-A Plus Super Fantastic.
McDonald's introduces 'Bring Your Bassist to Work Day'
STAFF at McDonald's have enjoyed their first Bring Your Favourite Britpop Bassist to Work Day.
'Oh no! It's the Daily Telegraph!' says Scotland
SCOTLAND was last night fleeing in terror after a surprise attack from the first battalion of Her Majesty's Daily Telegraph.
Queen's new boat to be massive waste of private money
ONLY private money should pissed away on the Queen's new boat, the government has insisted.
Past Times give workers Ye Olde Sacke
PANIC gift purchase store Past Times has made 574 workers redundant today via the medium of town crier.
Gove reminds everyone how pointless the Queen is
MICHAEL Gove today called for everyone to get annoyed about the Queen's unrelenting pointlessness.- Spurs fan to wake up in a damp bed
- Clegg wants unbearably middle class economy with shit adverts
- The Artist named this year’s 'amaaayzing' film
- Reader offer
- Brit Awards condemned by mental health charities
- Jay-Z buys extravagant garden shed
- Mild winter brings no moral lesson for lazy grasshopper
- Councils granted right to remove vehicles if in a tow-y kind of mood
- Take Me Out contestants shot dead after escape from holding pen
- Taliban totally fine with whole pissing on corpses thing
- Roundabout traffic flow to be reversed during Olympics
- Everyone to start supporting Barnet
- Independent Scotland could be exactly the same, warn experts
- No-one in a hurry to get to Birmingham
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