Nominations pour in for assisted suicide
DOZENS of popular candidates have emerged for the first round of semi-voluntary lethal injections.
Britain has a motorway speed limit, claims minister
TRANSPORT Secretary Justine Greening believes there is currently some sort of legal limit to how fast Britons can go on the motorway, it has emerged.
Slight amendments made to New Year's resolution to quit smoking
SMOKERS who officially gave up for 2012 have announced a few clarifications regards what 'giving up' actually means.
Missing cat returns with no memory of lost days
A CAT that has returned to its owners after spending a week missing cannot recall where it has been.
Women wrong, says cleverest person in world
THE fundamental wrongness of women has been established beyond doubt.
Race named as today's thing to talk shit about
RACE has been named as today's topic about which Britain will talk angry, ill-informed shit.
'Girl With The Apple Tattoo' sparks product placement row
A NEW thriller about a troubled Goth who covers her body in corporate logos has sparked debate about film sponsorship.
Barton denies existence of FA
JOEY Barton has refused to serve his three-match ban after disproving the existence of the Football Association using Nietzschean perspectivism.- Britain really fancies a pint
- Mail becomes cause of and solution to racism
- La Senza pins hopes on Human Centipede range
- Healthy eating campaign makes Britons want to die younger
- Britain desperately trying to download games onto Kindle
- Female MPs overlooked for promotion when they pose for GQ
- Murdoch tweets minutiae of world domination
- The net closes in on Prince Philip
- Corbett too short for a knighthood
- Hairy bikers admit cookery a front for drug and gun trafficking
- Scientists capture person who buys fantasy-themed ornaments
- 'Get out of my house, you monster' Britain tells mother
- Most betting shop regulars now multi-millionaires
- Conga crash claims 37
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