Bollocks To This, Say Goalkeepers
PREMIERSHIP goalkeepers have decided to fuck that for a game of soldiers after a spate of semi-fatal injuries over the weekend.
Porn Star's X-Factor Shame
THE star of popular films such as Alsatian D'Amour and Goatse
Rampage has admitted appearing on ITV's X-Factor.
Brown To Be Turned Into Glue
PRIME minister Gordon Brown is to be turned into glue, it
emerged last night.
Noisy Welsh Girls Accumulating Money
NOISY Welsh girls are accumulating money at an increasingly terrifying rate, experts warned last night.
Electorate Begs For Death
SERIOUSLY, either stop this shit or kill us, Britain's electorate begged last night.
BNP Launches Aryan Spread
THE British National Party has launched a racially pure sandwich spread for people whose necks are wider than their heads.
Ryanair To Follow Passengers Home And Wait Outside Their House
RYANAIR has agreed to pay compensation to stranded volcano passengers but said it was also going to follow them home and wait outside their house.
Frenchman Wipes Arse
FRANCE is facing its biggest upheaval in more than 40 years after a man from Nice wiped his bottom after going to the lavatory.
- Reader Offer...
- Clegg To Clean Up Politics Using His Personal Bank Account
- Are Volcanoes Caused By Skanks?
- N-Dubz Become Invisible To Adults
- Election Campaign Still There
- Met Office Finally Blamed
- Bond Films To Be Renamed Again
- Elderly Re-Assert Their Right To Offend
- Goldman Sachs 'Did Not Have Magic Beans'
- Lennon's LSD Stash To Be Remastered And Sold For Ten Times Its Street Value
- Stranded Tourists To Be Fired From A Cannon
- Neville And Scholes To Spend Summer Camping In The Mountains
- M&S Suit Nearly As Popular As Churchill
- Britain Now Factoring Volcanoes Into Everyday Life
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