Airline Collapse Leaves Travellers Stranded On Dinosaur Island
THE collapse of budget airline Flyglobespan has left hundreds of passengers marooned on a remote island populated by dinosaurs and cannibals.
TV Audiences Now Inversely Proportional To Things Worth Watching
TELEVISION audiences in the UK are increasing as the proportion of programmes that are functionally unwatchable hurtles towards 100%, according to a new study.
Chief Medical Officer Talking Shit Again
SIR Liam Donaldson, England's chief medical officer, was last night talking shit again.
Is It Ethical To Burgle A House If It Belongs To Ben Fogle?
BEN Fogle has foiled an attempted burglary at his home, re-igniting the debate over what you can and cannot do to the TV presenter.
London Sacrifices Virgins After Centimetre Of Snow
SOCIAL order crumbled and mass executions of sacrificial virgins were ordered as over a centimetre of snow fell in some parts of London today.
England Unveils Cities That Will Not Be Hosting The World Cup
FOOTBALL bosses have unveiled the 12 English cities that have absolutely no chance of hosting the World Cup in 2018.
Twiggy Is 300 Years Old, Admits Oil Of Olay
TWIGGY is a 300 year-old Bulgarian woman, Oil of Olay admitted last night.
- Sneering At Council Estate Christmas Lights Is Number One Festive Pastime
- I Do Not Love The Ginger Ones, Says Santa
- Cowell Makes Olly Wear Joe's Lovely Skin
- 1,000 Years Of Cliff Richard, Warn Scientists
- Britain Deciding Which Souvenir To Hurl At Brown
- Woods Caddie Denies Clubs Smelled Of Skank
- Hospital Cleaners Help Kill Off Greedy Pensioners
- Hubble Telescope Discovers Vast Galaxy Made Of Porn
- Labour MP Is Named Quentin
- Tesco And iPhone Combine As Foretold In Ancient Prophecy
- Advertising Feature
- Charities Launch Appeal For Celebrity Cocaine Money
- Tories To Buy Darling A House
- Drinkers Keep Faith With Bullshit Hangover Cures
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