Charity Concert For Pampered Millionaire Superstar
FRIENDS of troubled singer George Michael will stage a charity concert to highlight the problems of being incredibly rich, stoned and sexually satisfied.
Poor People Are So Tedious, Say Experts
A THINK tank researching poverty in the UK has found that people living below the breadline are dreadfully boring.
Bonuses No Longer Linked To Being Good At Things
BONUSES should no longer be awarded simply on the basis of doing something properly, it was claimed last night.
Internet Porn Safety Lessons To Replace Maths
MATHS will finally be dropped from the school curriculum so that children can be taught the safest way to find pornography on the internet.
Hamster Toy Contains Dangerous Levels Of Horse Vagina
THE makers of a popular hamster toy have reassured parents that their product does not contain excessive levels of horse labia.
Save The Planet For Us, Say Selfish, Undeserving Little Turds
MILLIONS of children are urging world leaders to invest in new ways of generating electricity for the mobile phones and games consoles they are glued to every minute of the fucking day.
Brown Unveils Radical Package Of Lies And Bullshit
GORDON Brown today pledged to cut Britain's deficit with a radical package of outright lies.
- Rustenberg Spontaneously Bursts Into Flames
- But The Real Word Is Full Of Poor People, Say Bankers
- Copy Of 'Knave' Discovered In Remote Archipelago
- Ten In Ten Homeopathic Prescriptions Contain Mistakes
- Transgressions Had Fabulous Tits, Says Woods
- Most Etonians Incredibly Well Educated, Say Experts
- Christmas Markets 'Are Trojan Horse For Nazi Invasion'
- Obama Confuses Afghanistan With Country That's Not Insane
- Windows 7 Users Complain Over 'Black Screen Of Being Conned Out Of Two Hundred Quid'
- UK Children Approaching Maximum Thickness
- Iran Should Tire Of Yachtsmen Fairly Quickly, Say Experts
- London Awash With Ponces
- David Hasselhoff's Mind To Become Theme Park
- Woods Beats Nicklaus Record For Bizarre Car Crashes
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