Brown To Sell Your Fat To L'Oreal
GORDON Brown is to slash Britain's budget deficit by sucking the fat from your body and selling it to soap companies.
Wigan Chairman Installs Shark Tank
THE chairman of Wigan Athletic is to install a tank full of sharks under the home dressing room in a bid to sharpen his squad's competitive instincts.
Herman Van Rompuy Is Anagram Of Roman Vampyre Hun
THE new president of the European Union is a Catholic German vampire who craves the blood of your children, experts warned last night.
Feminism Causes Global Warming, Say Experts
WOMEN who know their place emit less carbon dioxide than uppity madames with so-called careers, it was confirmed last night.
M&S Advert Offensive To Everyone
ADVERTISING watchdogs are to investigate claims that Marks and Spencer's Christmas advert is offensive to everyone.
Drum Machine Goes Solo
FORMER Echo and The Bunnymen drum machine DR670 has announced its plans to release a solo album.
Irish Poets To Immortalise World Cup Betrayal
AS a million emerald tears washed down the streets of Dublin last night, Ireland's poets set to work immortalising their nation's latest betrayal.
- Tesco Budget Turkeys Actually Spaniels
- Networking Sites Need 'Boring Tit' Buttons
- Scientists Perfect Female Low Self-Esteem Pill
- Queen To Unveil Guaranteed Penis Size
- Sarah Palin Doesn't Know What Radar Is
- 'Gayness Is Everywhere And It Wants Your Son'
- Prostitution To Replace Bursaries
- I Will Buy You And Make You Part Of My Giant Chess Set, Warns Ex-RBS Chief
- England To Uninvent Cricket
- Nursing Degree Will Make British Hospitals Deadliest In The World, Pledges NHS
- Three Year-Olds To Sue Each Other Over Juice And Poo-Poos
- Ugliness Becomes Source Of National Pride
- Ferguson To Write Offensive Letters To Referees
- Panic Spreads As Sting Is Right About Something
News in Pictures
|
|
|
|
