England Defeat Doesn't Count If No-One Sees It, Claims Capello
ENGLAND'S 1-0 defeat to Ukraine did not happen because no-one saw it, Fabio Capello insisted last night.
NHS Stands By Decision To Employ Bats
NHS officials have defended their decision to employ thousands of bats at a Scottish hospital.
I Will Release Bruce Forsyth Into The Wild, Declares Cameron
ONE of the first acts of a Conservative government would be to take Bruce Forsyth into some woods and then let him go, David Cameron declared yesterday.
Come And See Our Hot Lesbians, Says Swindon
SWINDON is a hotbed of unbridled lesbian sex, the town's borough council claimed last night.
Russell Brand Is Currently Having Sex With You
RUSSELL Brand is having furtive, unsatisfying sex with you right now, it has emerged.
Pat And Jess Trade Insults Over Strike Action
BRITAIN'S leading postman and his long-standing colleague last night exchanged vicious insults in an acrimonious split over proposed strike action.
Quarter Of Global Population Can't Get Drunk Or Look At Boobs
A QUARTER of the world's population is unable to have a few sherberts or stare at some knockers they do not already own, according to new research.
- Benitez Clears Desk Following Message Of Support
- Being Mental Now A Career Option
- Will We Ever Have Bananas Again, Daddy?
- Android X-Factor Finalist Goes On Killing Spree
- Anti-Cocaine Vaccine 'Wonderfully Moreish'
- Tories To Raise Mildly Racist, Caravan-Owning Bastard Age
- We Will Never Judge You, Say Greggs
- Half A Million Benefit Cheats Throw Themselves Down The Stairs
- Should Britain's Ethnic Minorities Have Their Own TV Dance Contests?
- Google Launches Collaborative Self-Pleasuring Tool
- Johnson And Windsor In Wig Sharing Deal
- Fump Off, You Bunch Of Fumpers, Says Mandelson
- Violent Criminals Blame Chewits
- Weekending
News in Pictures
|
|
|
|
