James May To Be Demolished
TOP Gear presenter James May is facing demolition after it emerged his parents did not apply for permission to build a twat.
Princes' Charity Work To Distract You From All The Dicking About
PRINCES William and Harry are to give a higher profile to their charity work as they continue to have a thoroughly splendid time with lots of your money.
Most Men Wishing They Were A 15 Year-Old Schoolgirl
MILLIONS of British men last night admitted they would give anything to be a 15 year-old pupil at an all-girls private school.
Afghan Refugees Want To Live In A Country That Complains About Alesha Dixon
AFGHAN refugees camped on the outskirts of Calais were today being urged to explain why they want to come to a country where people complain about the quality of the judges on a celebrity dancing show.
Satanist Nurse Faces Sack For Summoning Demon
A SATAN-worshipping nurse is facing the sack after summoning flesh-eating homunculi during working hours.
Millions Of Couples Given Green Light To Kill Each Other
THE director of public prosecutions will this week unveil new guidelines that will make it easier for couples to plot each other's deaths.
Record Numbers Escape From Newcastle
THE Great North Run enjoyed its most successful year so far yesterday as record numbers of competitors managed to escape from Tyneside.
Clegg To Unveil Series Of Things That Will Never, Ever Happen
LIBERAL Democrat leader Nick Clegg will rally his party this week by outlining a series of things that are never, ever going to happen.
- Cowell Sends Urchins Back To Workhouse
- Tiresome Feminist Hippies Target Increasingly Pointless Oaf
- Only Way To Save Blackpool Tourism Is To Destroy Rest Of UK, Say Experts
- Microsoft Offers Students Cut-Price Infuriating Crap
- Duuuh, Everyone Tells Jimmy Carter
- Weekending
- Kenyon Named As Successor To Lord Vader
- TUC Backs Workplace Tit Ban
- Guardian Readers Prepare For Dan Brown Sneerathon
- Dinner Ladies To Be Installed In All UK Homes
- Skank Gene Isolated
- Latest Bin Laden Tape Reveals Prog-Rock Direction
- French Vindicated By Manky Shower Study
- 90% Of Children Prefer Terrifying Amounts Of Skunk
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