the dailymash

Christ On A Bike, Says Britain

Tax Accountants Order New Bentleys

BRITAIN'S tax accountants were last night gleefully flicking through brochures for the Bentley Continental GT after chancellor Alistair Darling unveiled radical plans to take more money from rich people.

Artificial Intelligence Now Equal To Premier League Footballer

SCIENTIST working on simulated brains have developed a model which shows the primitive insight and deductive reasoning of a Rio Ferdinand, it was claimed last night.

Brown Somehow Manages To Make Total Arse Of MPs' Expenses

PRIME minister Gordon Brown has surprised Westminster by somehow managing to make the scandal over MPs' expenses even worse than it already was.

Very Big Terror Plot Not Very Big Or Terrifying Or A Plot, Admit Police

THE very big terror plot uncovered by police last week is not big, does not involve terrorists and is not a plot of any kind, it has emerged.

Government Throws Weight Behind Rubber Cars

Britain's Only Shop Makes Enormous Profit

THE only place where people can buy things has made a huge profit again, it has been confirmed.

Casual Racism Can Save Environment, Say Experts

TANK tops, everyday racial abuse and Larry Grayson could all help tackle climate change, according to a report urging a return to 1970s lifestyles.