FIVE days after Carol Vorderman's apprearance on Question Time, millions of people across Britain were last night still trying to make sense of the experience.
The secret recording of an England team talk was carried out by a group of WAGs desperate to discover why they are having to take antibiotics, it was claimed last night.
FORMER US president George W Bush has urged Hollywood actress Cameron Diaz to help secure the support of 'onionists' for the devolution of policing powers in Northern Ireland.
Karen Fenessey 'We've given the green light to battalions of orange schoolgirls to repeatedly copulate with train conductors and weathermen. And nobody needs to see that.' read more...
News Briefly
Schools urge government to make drug slightly more expensive and a lot more dangerous "We're only trying not to help," says National Association of Head Teachers
'We just assumed it was first years' semen' says top public school "If something tastes funny round here it usually means there's a load of spunk in it," admits spokesman
Your stars: taurus
This week you will suggest an insurance scheme for dogs and then abandon it four days later because you're an over-rated arsewit who has no business running the Home Office.