Brit Awards condemned by mental health charities
PEOPLE suffering from depression should avoid looking at the Brit Awards, according to mental health experts.
Jay-Z buys extravagant garden shed
RAPPER Jay-Z has purchased a million-dollar garden shed following the birth of his daughter, it has emerged.
Mild winter brings no moral lesson for lazy grasshopper
BRITAIN'S relatively pleasant winter weather has taught absolutely nothing to an idle grasshopper that ignored the advice of an industrious ant.
Councils granted right to remove vehicles if in a tow-y kind of mood
LOCAL authorities celebrated last night after a High Court ruling gave them the right to impound cars just totally on a whim.
Take Me Out contestants shot dead after escape from holding pen
THIRTY-FOUR participants in television rutting event Take Me Out have been killed by ITV rangers after escaping from their secure backstage enclosure.
Taliban totally fine with whole pissing on corpses thing
AMERICANS can urinate on our dead bodies as much as they feel like, the Taliban said last night.
Roundabout traffic flow to be reversed during Olympics
TRAFFIC flow on roundabouts will be switched to anti-clockwise for the duration of the Olympics, the Government has announced.
Everyone to start supporting Barnet
FOOTBALL supporters are to switch their allegiance to a team whose scumbags they have never heard of.- Independent Scotland could be exactly the same, warn experts
- No-one in a hurry to get to Birmingham
- Gay marriage 'releases deadly pink gas into ozone layer'
- Everyone apologises for everything
- Miliband 'lacks video game skills to lead UK'
- French get chance to vote for magnificent bastard
- Thatcher film 'not sexually violent enough'
- Turd reveals maniac’s hatred of scumbag
- Does sleeping count as not drinking? asks Britain
- Neville checks his phone is working
- Bonus curb could lead to 'arsehole drain'
- Tolkien denied Nobel Prize 'because he wrote about Hobbits'
- Reader offer
- Nominations pour in for assisted suicide
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