HALF of all MPs will be forced to repay expenses while the other half have somehow managed to lie their way out of it, according to a report published today.
IT is every little girl's dream - to carve out a career as a fake-breasted, professional skank and then marry her perfect cage fighter in a Las Vegas casino.
Decapitated skeletons 'probably worked in Downing Street' "Their heads seem to have been removed by some sort of electronic device thrown with tremendous force by an unhinged sociopath who will do absolutely anything to remain prime minister," says archaeologist
Government unveils latest high speed rail bullshit that's never going to happen "This will one will go from London to Aberystwyth in 14 seconds and comes with a lovely matching hat," says transport minister
Your stars: libra
Your neighbour comes home from work this week to find that passive- aggressive little note he taped to your car has been reproduced on the side of an 18-wheel lorry and driven through his front window.