Men demand Tesco remove ‘gifts for children’ sign

ANGRY men have told Tesco to remove signs implying toys are for children.

New terror bill to make everyone spy or terrorist

THE new anti-terrorism bill will give everyone the choice of being a spy or an enemy of the state.

Scotland too much of a paradise to ever leave, confirm millionaires

SCOTLAND to tax its millionaires because they could never find anywhere nicer to live.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB) To mark Nigel Farage's candidacy in next year's election you're releasing a rap album called Fear Of A Black Thanet.

Workers successfully bought off with Christmas meal

A FREE meal at a high street restaurant is ample reward for months of relentless poorly-paid toil, according to employees.

Young football fan reluctantly adopts Milner as role model

A 10-YEAR-OLD football fan has grudgingly hung a poster of James Milner on his wall.

Bale to return as Megabatman

FORMER Batman Christian Bale is to play a new self-devised superhero called Megabatman.

Government admits having a life not really an option

THE government has confirmed that you are too busy to eat properly, exercise or enjoy relationships.