Middle class children ask for massive plastic toys to annoy parents

MIDDLE class children are asking for large, brightly coloured plastic toys for Christmas that will ruin their parent’s tasteful lifestyle.

Woman devastated over split with ex's Netflix account

A WOMAN who broke up with her boyfriend has been left heartbroken by the loss of his Netflix account.

Couple attempt to get properly drunk on Baileys

A COUPLE are planning to spend tonight investigating whether it is possible to get seriously drunk on Baileys alone.

Last piece of actual work this year to be completed by 3pm

OFFICE workers across Britain have confirmed that absolutely nothing of consequence will be done next week.

Daring non-conformist's favourite Christmas song is Fairytale of New York

AN amazing non-conformist has shocked friends and colleagues by revealing his favourite Christmas song is the Pogues’ Fairytale of New York. 

20 percent of all children are Mick Jagger's

MICK Jagger is responsible for 20 percent of all human births, say researchers.

Stupid and evil people live longest, happiest lives

THE secret to living a long, happy life is to be nasty, unintelligent or a combination of the two, research has found.

Daily Mail publishes names of all 3,363 Sleaford Labour voters

THE Daily Mail has published the names of all 3,363 Sleaford Labour voters as part of its ongoing catalogue of enemies of the people.