'How-Old' shattering your delusions with tremendous enthusiasm

THE Microsoft website which tells you how old you look is thoroughly enjoying your horrified reaction.

Britain demands the abolition of small talk

BRITAIN has condemned small talk as idiotic and pointless and called for its immediate abolition.

'Prick' replacing 'bellend' as insult of choice

USE of the insult ‘prick’ is at its highest level since the late 1980s, researchers have found.

SNP developing its own flag and salute

THE Scottish National Party is to develop its own flag and a special salute for party members.

Church to invest in something other than oil or poor people

THE Church of England is to sell its shares in fossil fuel companies and continue to not give that money to the poor.

So we meet again, Southern tells commuters

SOUTHERN trains has admitted its passengers are 'resilient bastards' who do not know when they are beaten.

The Mash guide to the Miliband stumble

WHEN Ed Miliband stumbled on his dismount from the Question Time podium last night, he threw away Labour's election hopes.

Cameron offers to postpone General Election until 2020

The Prime Minister has offered to delay the general election for five years to give voters chance to make up their minds.