Corbyn announces decommissioning of Labour Party

JEREMY Corbyn has announced that, following his re-election, the Labour party is to be dismantled and put into storage.

Bohemian, middle-class household just dirty

A HOUSEHOLD that describes itself as ‘bohemian’ just needs to tidy up and push the hoover round, guests have agreed.

Theresa May appoints Minister for Contradicting Brexit Ministers

THERESA May has created a Cabinet post specifically charged with denying all statements by the ministers in charge of Brexit.

Apes wonder why they haven’t taken over world yet

PRIMATES are unsure why they have yet to take over the planet when humanity is clearly doing such a terrible job.

Everything to be alright at Sports Direct now Mike Ashley in charge

ALL problems at Sports Direct will disappear now Mike Ashley is chief executive, jubilant employees have confirmed.

Woman reaches end of week without giving a f**k about Brangelina or Bake Off

A WOMAN has successfully completed the week without giving a toss about the Brangelina split or the cake show.

F**k this shit I’m outta here, says Mary Berry

MARY Berry has quit The Great British Bake-Off because of all the bullshit going down.

Windows 10 condemned by Amnesty International

WINDOWS 10 has been condemned by Amnesty International as cruel and inhumane.