Disappointed racist can’t get anyone kicked off flight

A DISAPPOINTED British racist cannot find anyone bearded enough to get them thrown off his flight to Majorca.

‘You, too, can destroy your own country,’ Farage tells US

NIGEL Farage has told an audience of Trump supporters that the power to completely devastate the nation they live in is in their hands.

Second referendum voters ‘might try finding out about it this time’

VOTERS might try to find out what they are voting for if there is a second EU referendum, they have announced.

‘Bake Off' tension peaks as contestants given 10 minutes to finish baking their cakes

TENSION on The Great British Bake Off reached harrowing new heights last night when the contestants were told they had only 10 minutes to finish baking their cakes.

So I guess we’re staying out now, says third pint

A MAN’S third pint explained in a friendly but firm voice that he would be staying out for the rest of the evening, it has emerged.

This is a new low for me, says 'gate' suffix

THE -gate suffix, used for political scandals since 1972’s Watergate, has admitted that yesterday’s Traingate is a new low. 

Mulholland Drive voted best film by group of drooling perverts

DAVID Lynch's Mulholland Drive has been voted the best film of the 21st century by a group of disgusting and sweaty men.

Team GB athletes caught smuggling precious metals into UK

BRITAIN’S Olympians have brought shame upon the country by attempting to smuggle rare metals from Brazil.