Aries (21 MAR-19 APRIL) With the nights starting to draw in, you'll be able to spend more and more time lurking in your neighbour's hedge undetected.
A GRANDMOTHER has revealed she much prefers spending time with her iPad than with her two grandchildren.
Of all the painters with 'van' in their name, the most gifted is unquestionably Van Morrison.
A PETTY credit card company has started asking for repayments after 30 days of being real sports about it.
A MIDDLE-aged man has purchased the functional sweater he will wear repeatedly until death.
NEXT year’s EU referendum will offer voters the chance to relaunch the Second World War.
A MAN who made a point of drinking water in between each pint of beer did not impress anyone, it has been confirmed.
THE FATE of Syrian families forced to leave their homes has persuaded a man to opt out of further emails.