Home - The Daily Mash

BLAIR HIRES SCARY CLOWN TO STALK BROWN

Politics - Politics Headlines
TONY Blair has appointed a sinister clown to stalk Gordon Brown for the next two years in a bid to drive the Prime Minister "even further round the bend".
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STINKY CAT GETS PLUM AMBASSADORIAL ROLE

News - News Headlines
PRIME Minister Gordon Brown was embroiled in a fresh cronyism controversy last night after it emerged he had appointed his cat to be the ambassador to Pomerania.
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PENSIONER COMPLETES MOTORWAY MIDDLE LANE MARATHON

News - News Headlines
ELDERLY driver David Jackers yesterday stayed in the middle lane of the motorway for all of his 400 mile journey from Bristol to Glasgow in what police are calling the most "half-arsed" motoring they have ever seen.
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WORLD SHARE PRICES TO GO UP AND DOWN

News - Business
WORLD stock markets will move up and down a lot this week triggering a new ice age and a plague of painful boils on the arse of every homeowner.
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THE NEWS IN PICTURES

    Habitat for Humanity tennants
    now regret living in house
    built by Sharon Stone

99p pint raises concerns about
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News Briefly

DETOX DIETS EXPOSED
AS NONSENSE FOR
10TH YEAR IN A ROW
"But surely drinking eight gallons of San Pelegrino will flush all the goose fat out of my tubes," says Cosmo reader

BROWN VOWS TO
CREATE 100,000 NEW
LABOUR VOTERS
"We give them a job and then tell them the Tories will take away the job. It's what I do," says PM

CARS TO BE FITTED
WITH FUCKNUT LIMITERS
Hi-tech device will guide the car to the side of the road and park it there until you stop being a fucknut.