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BLAIR SENDS BACK AGENT PROVOCATEUR PANTIES

Politics - Politics Headlines
TONY Blair is to return all his Agent Provocateur crotchless panties in protest at the saucy lingerie brand founder’s decision to reject his MBE.
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BROWN TO APPOINT MILBURN AS 'CABINET ENEMY'

Politics - Politics Headlines
GORDON Brown will appoint Alan Milburn as his official Enemy in Cabinet when he takes over as Prime Minister next week.
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BAGGINS FAMILY PANS 'LORD OF THE RINGS' MUSICAL

News - Arts & Entertainment
THE great nephew of Frodo Baggins has attacked the Lord of the Rings musical for 'playing fast and loose' with historical accuracy.
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SATANIC VERSES SENDS SUICIDE BOMBER TO SLEEP

News - News Headlines
A WOULD-BE British suicide bomber failed to blow himself up after he fell asleep on the train while reading Sir Salman Rushdie’s The Satanic Verses, it has emerged.
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THE NEWS IN PICTURES

    Habitat for Humanity tennants
    now regret living in house
    built by Sharon Stone

99p pint raises concerns about
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News Briefly

DETOX DIETS EXPOSED
AS NONSENSE FOR
10TH YEAR IN A ROW
"But surely drinking eight gallons of San Pelegrino will flush all the goose fat out of my tubes," says Cosmo reader

BROWN VOWS TO
CREATE 100,000 NEW
LABOUR VOTERS
"We give them a job and then tell them the Tories will take away the job. It's what I do," says PM

CARS TO BE FITTED
WITH FUCKNUT LIMITERS
Hi-tech device will guide the car to the side of the road and park it there until you stop being a fucknut.