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HUGE, DISGUSTING INSECTS ON BRINK OF EXTINCTION
Animals - Animals headlines

ENORMOUS, terrifying tropical insects that are the stuff of nightmares may at last be on the brink of extinction, it was claimed last night.

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EVERYONE NOW HAS GREAT HAIR
News - Society

EVERYONE'S hair is now shiny, manageable and full of body, the United Nations has confirmed.

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I HATE EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU, ADMITS BROWN
Politics - Politics Headlines

PRIME minster Gordon Brown last night admitted he loathes absolutely everyone in Britain.

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LESBIANS TO ESTABLISH REPUBLIC OF LESBIA
News - International

THE world's 800 million lesbians are to club together and set up their own country.

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Opinion

MY BIG GAP YEAR

Despatches from Poppy Spalding

Monday: Sydney, Australia

My first week on the road finds me in Sydney, which is a bit like London, only with more sun and fewer Australians.

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News Briefly

LEONA HELMSLEY'S
DOGS TO BUY
DAILY MAIL
Billionaire pets believe national newspaper would make more sense if it was run by spaniels


WATER COMPANY FINED
FOR TELLING PEOPLE
THEIR HOUSES WERE
NOT FULL OF WATER
"It's liquid gas, you'll be fine," said call centre


FEAR OF NHS AT
ALL TIME HIGH
In the event of serious illness, more than 80% say they would rather be admitted to Marks and Spencer


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