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OFFICE OF FAIR TRADING TAKES FOUR YEARS TO DISCOVER BUILDERS ARE AT IT
News - Business

THE Office of Fair Trading last night defended taking four years and millions of pounds to discover that builders might just be at it.

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BALDY BASTARDS TOLD TO STOP BEING SO BALD ABOUT EVERYTHING
News - Society

BALDY bastards were last night told to shut up and stop being so bald about everything.

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RISING SEA LEVELS TO REACH RONNIE CORBETT
News - Environment

EXPERTS have upgraded their estimates on rising sea levels, predicting they could submerge Ronnie Corbett within a decade.

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SOCIETY OF THE FUTURE MAY BE FORCED TO EAT FOOD
News - Science & Technology

THE people of the future may be forced to eat real food instead of pills, scientists have claimed.

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Opinion

MY BIG GAP YEAR

Despatches from Poppy Spalding

Monday: Sydney, Australia

My first week on the road finds me in Sydney, which is a bit like London, only with more sun and fewer Australians.

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News Briefly

LEONA HELMSLEY'S
DOGS TO BUY
DAILY MAIL
Billionaire pets believe national newspaper would make more sense if it was run by spaniels


WATER COMPANY FINED
FOR TELLING PEOPLE
THEIR HOUSES WERE
NOT FULL OF WATER
"It's liquid gas, you'll be fine," said call centre


FEAR OF NHS AT
ALL TIME HIGH
In the event of serious illness, more than 80% say they would rather be admitted to Marks and Spencer


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