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TESCO TRUMPS ASDA WITH RANGE OF PORN CAKES
News - Business

SUPERMARKET rivalry has intensified after Tesco promised to put all your dirty pictures on a cake.

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PRICE OF GAS TO RISE, SAY MEN WHO SET THE PRICE OF GAS
News - Business

THE men who set the price of gas have predicted gas prices will rise by 40%.

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DUBAI PLANS SKYSCRAPER MADE OF FANTA
News - International

THE oil-rich state of Dubai has unveiled plans for a daring new skyscraper constructed entirely of Fanta.

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ARMY CAN'T FIGHT 14 WARS AT ONCE, SAYS DUKE OF WELLINGTON
News - War

London, 26th of June, 1814

HIS Grace the Duke of Wellington has implored Parliament to limit the active engagement of the British Army from the current obligation of 14 wars to a mere eight.

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Opinion

MY BIG GAP YEAR

Despatches from Poppy Spalding

Monday: Sydney, Australia

My first week on the road finds me in Sydney, which is a bit like London, only with more sun and fewer Australians.

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News Briefly

LEONA HELMSLEY'S
DOGS TO BUY
DAILY MAIL
Billionaire pets believe national newspaper would make more sense if it was run by spaniels


WATER COMPANY FINED
FOR TELLING PEOPLE
THEIR HOUSES WERE
NOT FULL OF WATER
"It's liquid gas, you'll be fine," said call centre


FEAR OF NHS AT
ALL TIME HIGH
In the event of serious illness, more than 80% say they would rather be admitted to Marks and Spencer


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