SIR Fred Goodwin was understood to have lost his mind last night after deciding to give up half his pension and leave his luxury villa in the South of France.
WEDNESDAY: ROME This week finds me in the former lava-loving, viaduct-building world dominator: Roma, Italia! It's always been my dream to come to Rome so I can see if all the roads really do lead here. I now fully understand how they do as there are just so many roads, and they literally lead in hundreds of directions.
New Javelin train arrives one minute early and stinking of piss "The train was worryingly piss-free when it left Ashford, so it's a huge relief," says spokesman
Westminster Abbey to get a new hat "I'm torn between a sombrero and a fez," admits dean
Bad foreign ladybirds may destroy brave British ladybirds Experts say British ladybird is too honourable to fight back, although if it did it would easily win.
Hull City are to buy Michael Owen with a view to breaking the player down for parts.
MPs have published a censored version of their expenses in the hope that you will forget you have already seen them.
ANDREW Flintoff's Ashes bid received a boost yesterday after scoring 12 runs against a side throwing the ball quite fast.
