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WORKING MUMS PREFER WHITE WINE TO CHILDCARE, SAYS STUDY
News - Health

MOTHERS who work are happier than those who stay at home because they can have liquid lunches and don't have to spend time with their kids, according to a new report.

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DON'T SHOWER WITH YOUR TURKEY, WARN EXPERTS
Animals - Animals headlines

SHOWERING with your turkey could ruin Christmas, food safety experts warned last night.

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HUMANS 'NOT EVOLVED ENOUGH' TO KEEP QUIET DURING A FILM
News - Science & Technology

HUMAN evolution is speeding up but most people are still genetically unable to keep their fucking mouths shut while watching a film, scientists said last night.

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CHILDHOOD SHOULD BEGIN AT BIRTH, SAYS MINISTER
News - Business

THE government has unveiled its 10 year vision for Britain's children with a pledge that childhood will now begin at birth.

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Opinion

GUEST BLOG: NOEL GALLAGHER

THE Olympics - what the fuck was that all about? Every morning, right, that Scottish bird off the telly would sit on a sofa telling us that we'd won a bronze medal in the women’s catapult and that everyone could now go to work with a big smile on their face - in retrospect I think she somehow mistook me for somebody who gives a fuck.

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News Briefly

15 YEAR-OLDS FORCED TO
WATCH AMAZING GRACE
"Didn't learn much about slavery but Michael Gambon was on top form," says teenage wastrel


MARTIN CLUNES PAID
THOUSANDS TO REMIND
PEOPLE HOW GOOD
LEONARD ROSSITER WAS
"I didn't get where I am today by not wasting licence payers' money on pointless remakes," says BBC arse


SELF-ABSORBED WOMEN
CELEBRATE DIDO COMEBACK
"It's the soundtrack to my topsy-turvy life," says unbearable cow


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