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UN URGES MUSHARRAF TO HIT LAWYERS HARDER
News - International

PAKISTAN president Pervez Musharraf was last night accused of ‘cynical populism’ after he ordered his police to round up thousands of lawyers and hit them with sticks.

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FIVE LAUNCHES NEW SERIES OF 'CRIME SCENE NAVY CRIME'
News - Arts & Entertainment

THE long wait is over for fans of fast-moving US police dramas as Channel Five screens the new series of Crime Scene Navy Crime.

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IDIOTS TO WASTE TWO MORE YEARS AT SCHOOL
News - News Headlines

THE age at which idiots can leave school without any qualifications is to be raised from 16 to 18, the Government announced last night.

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'D'YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M SUCH A F*CKING RACIST' SAYS TORY MP
Politics - Politics Headlines

CONSERVATIVE leader David Cameron is facing fresh embarrassment after a senior backbencher described himself as 'an enthusiastic and committed racialist'.

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Opinion

GUEST BLOG: NOEL GALLAGHER

THE Olympics - what the fuck was that all about? Every morning, right, that Scottish bird off the telly would sit on a sofa telling us that we'd won a bronze medal in the women’s catapult and that everyone could now go to work with a big smile on their face - in retrospect I think she somehow mistook me for somebody who gives a fuck.

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News Briefly

15 YEAR-OLDS FORCED TO
WATCH AMAZING GRACE
"Didn't learn much about slavery but Michael Gambon was on top form," says teenage wastrel


MARTIN CLUNES PAID
THOUSANDS TO REMIND
PEOPLE HOW GOOD
LEONARD ROSSITER WAS
"I didn't get where I am today by not wasting licence payers' money on pointless remakes," says BBC arse


SELF-ABSORBED WOMEN
CELEBRATE DIDO COMEBACK
"It's the soundtrack to my topsy-turvy life," says unbearable cow


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