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SUPERMAN SUIT WILL ENABLE WEARER TO SEE WOMEN'S UNDIES
News - Science & Technology

SCIENTISTS could one day develop a 'Superman' suit that will give the wearer x-ray vision, allowing him to look at women's underwear through their clothes.

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AMY WINEHOUSE A HONKING SKANK, SAYS GRAN
News - Arts & Entertainment

AMY Winehouse fans should stop buying her records because she is a croaky voiced skank who sounds like a goose being forced arse first into a trombone, her grandmother said last night.

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JAM, THE FUEL OF TOMORROW, SAY LIB DEMS
News - Science & Technology

THE Liberal Democrats have unveiled radical plans to reduce Britain's carbon emissions, including a new generation of cars that unleash the remarkable power of jam.

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SCIENTISTS LOSE GIANT NOTHINGNESS
News - Science & Technology

SCIENTISTS who discovered a giant nothingness in the heart of the universe last night said they had lost it again after it “just vanished into thin air”.

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Opinion

MY BIG GAP YEAR

Despatches from Poppy Spalding

Monday: Sydney, Australia

My first week on the road finds me in Sydney, which is a bit like London, only with more sun and fewer Australians.

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News Briefly

LEONA HELMSLEY'S
DOGS TO BUY
DAILY MAIL
Billionaire pets believe national newspaper would make more sense if it was run by spaniels


WATER COMPANY FINED
FOR TELLING PEOPLE
THEIR HOUSES WERE
NOT FULL OF WATER
"It's liquid gas, you'll be fine," said call centre


FEAR OF NHS AT
ALL TIME HIGH
In the event of serious illness, more than 80% say they would rather be admitted to Marks and Spencer


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