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FOOT AND MOUTH 'NOT AS MUCH FUN AS LAST TIME' SAY TOWNIES
News - News Headlines

CITY dwellers and townsfolk have branded the latest foot and mouth outbreak “boring” and “not as good as last time” as it looked to be fizzling out after just one week. 

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'24' RECYCLES PLOTS TO CUT CARBON FOOTPRINT
News - Environment

KIEFER Sutherland's hit show ‘24’ is to be produced using plot twists and dialogue entirely recycled from previous episodes to make it into the world’s first carbon neutral television programme.

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COMPUTER GAME FAN “NO TIME TO MASTURBATE”
News - Arts & Entertainment

TOP World of Warcraft player Jason Stibbles could be forced to give up masturbation altogether after the hugely popular online game unveiled its new expansion called Wrath of the Lich King.

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ONE BILLIONTH DENTAL PRODUCT LAUNCHED
News - Health

IT'S been billed as the biggest event in a generation for people with mouths.

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Opinion

GUEST BLOG: NOEL GALLAGHER

THE Olympics - what the fuck was that all about? Every morning, right, that Scottish bird off the telly would sit on a sofa telling us that we'd won a bronze medal in the women’s catapult and that everyone could now go to work with a big smile on their face - in retrospect I think she somehow mistook me for somebody who gives a fuck.

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News Briefly

15 YEAR-OLDS FORCED TO
WATCH AMAZING GRACE
"Didn't learn much about slavery but Michael Gambon was on top form," says teenage wastrel


MARTIN CLUNES PAID
THOUSANDS TO REMIND
PEOPLE HOW GOOD
LEONARD ROSSITER WAS
"I didn't get where I am today by not wasting licence payers' money on pointless remakes," says BBC arse


SELF-ABSORBED WOMEN
CELEBRATE DIDO COMEBACK
"It's the soundtrack to my topsy-turvy life," says unbearable cow


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