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DOG HAS SHIT

Animals - Animals headlines
WORKERS at a Tesco superstore watched yesterday as a dog had a huge shit in the middle of their car park.
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MITSUBISHI IN GLOBAL ARSE RECALL

News - Health
MILLIONS of arses manufactured by the industrial giant Mitsubishi are being recalled after a series of catastrophic bottom failures, it emerged last night.
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BNP ABANDONS RACISM AFTER OXFORD DEBATE

News - News Headlines
THE far-right British National Party is to abandon racism after listening carefully to the opposing arguments during last night’s Oxford Union debate.
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TATE CRACK FILLED WITH JUNKIE BORROWERS

News - Arts & Entertainment
THE huge crack in the middle of the Tate Gallery has become a seedy hangout for tiny, drug-abusing Borrowers, the Daily Mash has learned.
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News Briefly

WEDGWOOD HIT BY
SHOCK COLLAPSE IN
DEMAND FOR 18TH
CENTURY FIGURINES AND
POWDER BLUE TEACUPS
"So when did you all start drinking out of mugs?" asks company spokesman

DETOX DIETS EXPOSED
AS NONSENSE FOR
10TH YEAR IN A ROW
"But surely drinking eight gallons of San Pelegrino will flush all the goose fat out of my tubes," says Cosmo reader

BROWN VOWS TO
CREATE 100,000 NEW
LABOUR VOTERS
"We give them a job and then tell them the Tories will take away the job. It's what I do," says PM