MADONNA IMPOSES
'NO GEEZERS' CLAUSE
ON RITCHIE
Film director can have full access to children as long as he does not to introduce them to cockneys.

MOTORISTS ALLOWED TO
DRIVE LIKE HOMICIDAL
MANIACS TWICE
"Drive at 60 in a 30 zone a couple of times just to get it out of your system, but then that's it," says transport minister

KEEP YOUR STUPID
KIDNEYS, SAYS BROWN
Donor plan shelved after High Court rules government does not own the bits inside you.

By Karen Fenessey

I THINK it's great America has taken a small step for man by electing a black president. But amidst all the hilarity, I must ask: when will enough be enough? How far do white folks have to go to convince the world we're sorry about slavery? And meanwhile, what about the compelling racial saga taking place right here on our own doorstep: Cheryl Cole's legendary heroics on the X Factor.

Get the latest Mash headlines with this RSS whadyamacallit: