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MINISTERS PROPOSE 'ALF GARNETT DAY'
News - News Headlines

A NATIONAL holiday to celebrate the traditional British mistrust of foreigners is being proposed by the government.

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BUSH UNVEILS WORLD'S BIGGEST CAR
News - Environment

PRESIDENT Bush has underlined his commitment to tackling climate change by unveiling the world's biggest car in Detroit.

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Weekending: The Housing Market
News - Weekending
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MEN WITH SMALL PENISES MOURN SPAM KING ARREST
News - Health

MILLIONS of men with small penises and their wives were last night plunged into despair after the US announced it had arrested the so-called spam king of the internet. 

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Opinion

GUEST BLOG: NOEL GALLAGHER

THE Olympics - what the fuck was that all about? Every morning, right, that Scottish bird off the telly would sit on a sofa telling us that we'd won a bronze medal in the women’s catapult and that everyone could now go to work with a big smile on their face - in retrospect I think she somehow mistook me for somebody who gives a fuck.

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News Briefly

15 YEAR-OLDS FORCED TO
WATCH AMAZING GRACE
"Didn't learn much about slavery but Michael Gambon was on top form," says teenage wastrel


MARTIN CLUNES PAID
THOUSANDS TO REMIND
PEOPLE HOW GOOD
LEONARD ROSSITER WAS
"I didn't get where I am today by not wasting licence payers' money on pointless remakes," says BBC arse


SELF-ABSORBED WOMEN
CELEBRATE DIDO COMEBACK
"It's the soundtrack to my topsy-turvy life," says unbearable cow


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