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CHOCOLATE 'STOPS LAZY PEOPLE FROM LYING'

News - Health
A LARGE bar of milk chocolate stops lazy people from telling lies about how exhasuted they are, new research suggests.
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VATICAN TO BUILD HUGE TELESCOPE IN HUNT FOR JESUS

News - Science & Technology
THE Pope has commissioned a $1bn super-telescope as the Vatican steps up its hunt for Jesus.
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LORRY DRIVER CELEBRATES FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF OVERTAKING MANOEUVRE

News - News Headlines
LORRY driver Dennis Jackers was last night celebrating the first anniversary of starting to overtake fellow trucker Bob Mellows and the creation of a tailback described by the UN as a “crime against humanity”.
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JUST TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU WANT, SAYS OSBORNE

Politics - Politics Headlines
THE Conservative Party is to unveil a new tax strategy based on asking voters exactly how much it's going to take.
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THE NEWS IN PICTURES

    Habitat for Humanity tennants
    now regret living in house
    built by Sharon Stone

99p pint raises concerns about
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News Briefly

DETOX DIETS EXPOSED
AS NONSENSE FOR
10TH YEAR IN A ROW
"But surely drinking eight gallons of San Pelegrino will flush all the goose fat out of my tubes," says Cosmo reader

BROWN VOWS TO
CREATE 100,000 NEW
LABOUR VOTERS
"We give them a job and then tell them the Tories will take away the job. It's what I do," says PM

CARS TO BE FITTED
WITH FUCKNUT LIMITERS
Hi-tech device will guide the car to the side of the road and park it there until you stop being a fucknut.