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SCIENTISTS LOSE GIANT NOTHINGNESS

News - Science & Technology
SCIENTISTS who discovered a giant nothingness in the heart of the universe last night said they had lost it again after it “just vanished into thin air”.
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DIANA TRIBUTE: MILLIONS UNITE TO SPELL OUT 'WE MISS YOU' IN GIGANTIC LETTERS

News - Environment
BRITAIN is being urged to come together to spell out "we miss you" in letters so huge that Princess Diana will be able to read it in heaven.
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AMAZING! NOW GOOGLE CAN SEE INSIDE YOUR INSIDES

News - Science & Technology
THE contents of every stomach on the planet can now be viewed over the internet from your home computer after the launch of the latest add-on to Google Earth – Google Gut.
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'IF I CUDDLE AN AIDS BABY WILL YOU LET ME LIVE?' CAMILLA ASKS MOB

News - War
THE Duchess of Cornwall has offered to cuddle an AIDS baby in public if it will prevent her being dragged through the streets by a blood-thirsty mob.
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THE NEWS IN PICTURES

    Habitat for Humanity tennants
    now regret living in house
    built by Sharon Stone

99p pint raises concerns about
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News Briefly

DETOX DIETS EXPOSED
AS NONSENSE FOR
10TH YEAR IN A ROW
"But surely drinking eight gallons of San Pelegrino will flush all the goose fat out of my tubes," says Cosmo reader

BROWN VOWS TO
CREATE 100,000 NEW
LABOUR VOTERS
"We give them a job and then tell them the Tories will take away the job. It's what I do," says PM

CARS TO BE FITTED
WITH FUCKNUT LIMITERS
Hi-tech device will guide the car to the side of the road and park it there until you stop being a fucknut.