Man whose house has gone up in value thinks he's a brilliant businessman

A MAN who has benefited from constantly rising property prices somehow believes it is due to his excellent business skills.

Nobody believes woman is time traveller from an hour ago

A WOMAN who has time-travelled by an hour is struggling to convince colleagues that she is from the past.

Class system broken down into people who say red sauce and people who say ketchup

THE British class system has been broken down to two types of people, those who say ketchup and those who say red sauce, it has emerged.

Man to just have chips for dinner

A GROWN man has announced that he will be having nothing more than a plate of chips for his dinner tonight.

Devoted son spends hours searching for Mother’s Day discount codes

A LOVING son spent an entire morning googling coupon codes to get money off a bunch of flowers for his mum, it has emerged.

Daily Mail scurrying about like a horrid little spider

THE DAILY Mail is scurrying around like a spider trying to get up society's trouser leg, it has emerged.

London in grip of normality

LONDON is today in the grip of normality, with millions having their breakfast then going to work.

Dad trying to get kids into Catholic school claims to ‘f**king love the Pope’

A FATHER attempting to get his daughters into Catholic school told the admissions board that the Pope is 'fucking ace'.

Unfunny Facebook comment 'liked' out of years of friendship

A MAN has been forced to 'like' an unfunny comment left on his Facebook page out of years of friendship.