Abstract toilet door signs creating nothing but embarrassment
TRENDY pub toilet door signs featuring abstract depictions of gender should be banned, experts have claimed.
Typical lavatory door designs in bars now include a snake and a butterfly, a sock and a can of peaches or a swirly pattern and a pointy pattern instead of the words ‘men’ and ‘women’.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “These signs are both a trap for the unwary and a free pass for perverts.
“They’re typically used by the sort of drinking establishments that ‘don’t do crisps’, in order to make themselves look sexy and hip in a way that is pleasing to people who own glass furniture and use the word ‘lifestyle’ in everyday conversation, but is irritating to actual humans.
“We’re seeing a huge rise in people urinating into their hats and handbags because they can’t decipher whether a dragonfly or a piece of ham is more representative of their genitalia.”
He added: “Another minefield is toilet signs using foreign words, especially made-up ones like ‘Senorininos’ and ‘Peccorillams’.
“Cryptic puzzles are fine in newspaper crosswords but less welcome when you desperately need to empty your bladder without being banged up for indecent exposure in what turns out to be the ladies’ powder room.”
Office worker Stephen Malley said: “Last night I stood for three hours in the corridor at Ironic Sounding Bar Name in Soho, trying to figure out whether my penis looks more like an orange or a kumquat.
“Eventually I just gave up and pissed myself. Everyone thought I was really edgy and cool.”