A MAN who keeps saying he sees himself as European is rapidly becoming very annoying, everyone has decided.
Teacher Martin Bishop, from Nottingham, frequently claims to have a strong sense of European identity despite only having been to France three times on holiday.
Friend Nikki Hollis said: “I think Martin imagines he’s a sophisticated European citizen who spends his time at Berlin film festivals when he’s not shagging enigmatic Parisian women.
“I appreciate he doesn’t agree with Brexit, but the only foreign language he knows is weird GCSE French phrases like ‘Can you tell me the way to the fishmonger?’
“It’s totally ridiculous because there’s no way British people think ‘Ah, another day in Europe’ when they’re watching Eastenders or standing in the queue in Greggs.
“Martin needs to shut the fuck up about Europe or move there, but he won’t do that because he’d just end up living in a hostel until his money ran out.”
Bishop said: “We Europeans are more cosmopolitan than your average Briton. That’s why we appreciate unpleasantly strong coffee and films about university professors having doomed lesbian affairs with their students.
“Sadly my friends prefer to stay in their little Anglo-centric bubble and aren’t interested in coming over to eat calves’ liver and watch the European Parliament Channel.”