Awful man likes to keep in shape ‘for sex’

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A COMPLETELY awful man likes to tell people that his frequent visits to the gym make him better at sex.

Appalling narcissist Martin Bishop is delighted to have found a way to show off about his physical fitness and sexual prowess simultaneously.

Sales executive Bishop said: “I told everyone at work that ‘pumping iron’ keeps me in great shape for a different kind of ‘pumping’. They were so impressed they went completely silent.

“My regime of weights, distance running and high-intensity interval training means I can hammer away at vaginas for hours. I’m exactly the sort of virile yet sensitive lover the ladies are gagging for.

“Yes, I do frequently talk about my amazing sexual stamina but it’s not showing off. I’m just highlighting the benefits of exercise and doing my bit for the national obesity epidemic.”

Co-worker Tom Logan said: “It’s horrible when Martin tells you about his marathon sex sessions and all the athletic positions he can do, particularly if you’re eating a sausage roll.

“I don’t care if doing 100 squat thrusts a day has given him ‘incredible erectile strength’. No one needs to know that.”

Bishop is currently single after telling his girlfriend that a romantic weekend in the Cotswolds was “a better cardio workout than two days of Tough Mudder training”.