Bankers are the only people we give a shit about, Davis tells EU

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DAVID Davis has told the EU that he does not really give a shit about any British business except financial services.

The Brexit minister has flown to Germany to explain that he does not care if the UK’s agriculture, manufacturing, creative and retail sectors collapse tomorrow as long as the City of London is safe. 

He continued: “The rest of the country? I’m not even sure if it’s real. Certainly not in any way that matters. 

“We basically needs a deal that suits this one square mile and then the rest of it can sort itself out. Mass starvation or passporting for UK-based banks? Come on. You know my priorities. It’s not polite to make me say it. 

“And you need us just as much as we need you. Who caused the 2008 financial crisis? British banks, my friends, British banks. 

“Tell you what, if we can get this sorted today, I’ll let you guys write the rest of the deal while I go home and resign. I’ve got a job waiting at Coutts, you see.”