CONSUMING fast food on a train is more offensive than open public urination, passengers have agreed.
A survey found that someone emptying their bladder in the middle of a crowded carriage would be both shocking and inconvenient, but could not possibly be as unpleasant as a thoughtless bastard chomping his way through a nasty mix of processed meat and cheese.
Commuter Francesca Johnson said: “It’s not the overnight sleeper to Inver-fucking-ness. They’re not going to starve. They’re forcing a hundred people to share their disgusting ‘meal’ because they’re selfish, inconsiderate bellends.
“A public urinator who can no longer wait for the only lavatory on the train to become available would deserve some measure of sympathy.
“A man stuffing a bacon double cheeseburger into his so-called face on the 17.23 to Finsbury Park deserves to be thrown off the train and then chased by some big, angry dogs into a scary forest.”
Cheeseburger eating commuter Nathan Muir said: “In my defence, I am also drunk.”