Babies turn into dickheads at 4pm

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BABIES who have been perfectly happy all day, turn into utter shits between 4pm and 6pm, it has been confirmed.

Experts have advised parents to stay calm, wear protective clothing and under no circumstances attempt to take their infant out of the house.

Mother of two, Emma Howard, said: “We were having quite a nice time playing Peepo, but as soon as the clock struck 4pm she lamped me on the head with a sippy cup. It was like I was in a pub fight.

“Next thing I know, all hell broke loose and she’s clawing at my face and trying desperately to get into the knife drawer.

“Then come 6pm, she stopped and smiled at me like nothing had happened. The crazy bitch.”

Howard added: “I don’t understand it. Is it something to do with the tides? Or is she simply possessed by an ancient demon? It’s one or the other.”