IF you have not yet planned Valentine’s Day for your loved one, you have already fucked up and they will know it, experts have confirmed.
The Institute of Studies found that anyone wanting not to piss off their partner has already organised a playful, romantic and bespoke present and accompanying date, and that those who have not should prepare for retribution.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “All the nice restaurants have been booked, so it’s Pizza Express and a week of resentment for you ‘non-planners’.
“It’s too late to order a personalised bracelet or cuff links or cheese board and don’t even think about going through your holiday photos to make a coaster with your faces on. It’s not going to happen now and you know it.
“If you’re completely stuck for ideas, a marriage proposal is always a quick fix and one that requires surprisingly little thought. For those already married, a strong fall back option is a cinema trip, to minimise time spent being irritated by everything your partner says. “
He added:“Accept that this year you’ll be the one hurriedly buying a card and a bag of foil-wrapped heart shaped chocolates in the M&S Simply Food at your local train station. Best to prepare your apology and manage your expectations for the passive aggressive sex that your behaviour warrants.”