Student suddenly realises all his housemates are dicks

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A FIRST-YEAR student has suddenly realised, mid-term, that everyone he lives with is a total and utter dick. 

Nathan Muir, who is studying politics at Leicester University, was stunned by the revelation which was a complete reversal of his previous belief that they were all amazingly brilliant.

The student, who is sharing an apartment in halls with seven others, said: “Shit. I can’t believe it. They’re all total wankers.

“I’ve spent the last term-and-a-bit delighted at my luck at being put with such a great gang, but now I realise that was my brain protecting itself from the traumatic realisation I’m cohabiting with arseholes.

“Adrian’s making his own hummus, Allie rips everyone off for bad weed, and Tim does nothing but beat everyone as Hereford Town on FIFA. They’re dicks.

“We’ve all promised to get a house together next year but I’d actually prefer to drop out.”

Housemate Joe Turner said: “Omigod, there is no way I can live with Nathan next year. I’ve just realised. He’s such a dick.”