LABOUR’S Brexit strategy is to stay in the EU but in a really grudging way and moan all the time, the party has announced.
The policy aims to prevent the harmful economic effects of Brexit while also appeasing those who hate the EU or simply enjoy complaining about foreigners.
Shadow Brexit secretary Keir Starmer said: “Our vision of Brexit is a productive, mutually respectful relationship with our European partners. God, I hate those bastards. Have you ever owned a Citroen? They’re shit.
“You know I have to keep going to all these meetings bloody miles away in Europe where you can’t even get a proper Wetherspoons breakfast with a pint of Old Peculiar?
“We’re delighted to continue to benefit from many billions of pounds of frictionless trade. It would be nice if they’d sort out more lucrative international deals for us, but that’s lazy continentals for you.”
European Council president Donald Tusk said: “So Britain’s plan is to remain in the EU while being whiny fuckers about everything? Great to have you guys back!”