TERRIFIED Britons are frantically preparing for today’s icy blast by already having everything they need to comfortably survive it.
Forecasters have warned the only way to protect yourself from the ‘Beast from the East’, forecast to bring temperatures down to -15ºC with up to eight inches of snow, is to continue behaving as normal.
Meteorologist Helen Archer said: “You don’t even have to turn the heating up. Just leave it on.
“Pretend to be terrified of some snow if you like. But we all know that by 7pm you’ll be inside looking at it through double-glazing sipping a hot drink and wearing a t-shirt.”
“It’s basically as if a zombie apocalypse was approaching, but everyone already had impregnable zombie-proof fortresses and fully-functioning anti-zombie suits.”
Susan Traherne of Ipswich said: “I haven’t got any gloves, so there is a real danger I could lose one or more fingers to frostbite.
“But then it turns out they sell them in the shops.”