TOM Daley will today make the first dive into the new Olympic pool that he really hopes someone has remembered to fill with water.
The country’s best person at falling off a ledge for more than 50 years has admitted he is understandably nervous given that this is, after all, Britain.
Daley said: “Lord Coe has told me that I have to do it no matter what. He grabbed me by the lapels and pulled me towards him until our noses were touching.
“There was a crazy fire in his eyes.”
He added: “I’m sure Lord Coe is right when he says there is probably nothing to worry about, but at the same time I have to factor in the possibility that Britain has built the best swimming pool the world has ever seen and then forgotten to fill it up.”
Daley’s potentially fatal dive is the centrepiece of a day of events marking the third anniversary of when it was four years until the start of the Olympics.
Olympic chairman Lord Coe insisted: “In many ways the third anniversary of Four Years to Go Day is more important than the Olympics itself. And I know that Tom Daley would have wanted me to say that.”
Roy Hobbs, from Hatfield, who has received at least half a dozen Merry One Year to London 2012 Day cards, said: “This country needs a fucking hobby.”
Tom Daley added: “I’m wondering if there is some way I can strap a space hopper to the top of my head without anyone noticing.
“I know that I may then bounce off the bottom of the pool in a completely random direction, but at least that would give me a chance.”
8pm update: Pool contains non-lethal quantity of water. Britain greatest country in world.