A&E waiting times would improve if you weren’t such idiots, say experts

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ACCIDENT and emergency waiting times have worsened because Britain is so full of cretins, experts have confirmed.

Researchers found the key issue affecting hospital A&E provision was not funding or organisation, but the sheer heft of Britain’s collective stupidity.

Martin Bishop, a 33 year-old man who is currently sitting in an A&E department in Stevenage, said: “I’ve got a bit of a sore throat.”

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, added: “For fuck’s sake.”

According to the Institute, A&E waiting times have increased as Britain’s educational standards have plummeted.

Professor Brubaker said: “We experts call that ‘correlation’. Don’t look it up in a dictionary, because you’ll probably end up setting fire to yourself.

“In fact, don’t do anything or go anywhere. Just sit in the corner and shut your idiotic face.”