Uniting behind Brexit a bit hard if you think it's shit

'COMING together' to make a success of Brexit is difficult if you believe it is a heap of shit, it has been claimed.

Unstable friend now somehow a counsellor

A WOMAN with a chaotic personal life and a history of believing in total nonsense is now being paid to give people advice, shocked friends have revealed.

After Brexit we set sail for America, says May

THERESA May told Britain today that once a clean Brexit is achieved, Britain will weigh anchor and sail across the Atlantic to the New World.

People in massive cities don't live in real world, says man from tiny village

CITY dwellers are completely cut off from the realities of modern life, according to a man from a tiny rural village.

Gove hoping for 'bumbling idiot butler' role in Trump household

MICHAEL Gove is hoping Donald Trump will hire him as his 'bumbling British butler' when he becomes president, it has emerged.

Poor people to graze on London's 'garden bridge'

LONDON’s new ‘garden bridge’ will be grazed by herds of people living below the poverty threshold, it has been confirmed.

Flame-throwing mutant guitarist from Mad Max turns down Trump inauguration

THE mutant guitarist from Mad Max: Fury Road has become the latest musician to reject an offer to perform at Donald Trump’s inauguration.

May tells GPs to offer Thai cooking classes

THERESA May has told GP surgeries to teach a range of evening classes to avoid closure.

Woman 'only drinks champagne' because she's a nightmare when pissed

A WOMAN who acts like a sophisticated occasional drinker only does it because alcohol turns her into a raging psychopath, it has emerged.