Scientists discover couple caught in endless ‘I don’t mind, you decide’ loop

A COUPLE are at risk of starving to death after becoming tangled in an 'infinite non-decision loop' over what to have for dinner.

Train passengers vow revenge on woman who asked them to move up a bit

A WOMAN who asked fellow train passengers to 'move up a bit' has become the subject of intense, lifelong hatred by several complete strangers.

Trump understanding as much of G7 summit as a dog would

DONALD Trump is sitting uncomprehending through the G7 summit looking up eagerly whenever he hears his own name, aides have confirmed.

Men get their horrible legs out

MEN have decided that today is nice enough to be ruined by them exposing their horrible, gnarled, white legs to the world. 

Idiot really chuffed with his sunburn

AN idiot has proclaimed his sunburn to be some sort of achievement.

May orders Britain to vote exactly as it would have on day she called election

THERESA May has ordered the UK electorate to vote in exact accordance with polling numbers on 18th April, the day the election was called.

Plan to confiscate gran's house and steal your inheritance strangely unpopular

A SCHEME to force the elderly to sell their homes and take away people's inheritances is oddly unpopular with voters, Tory strategists have noticed.

Couple holding hands in the street really pissing everyone off

A COUPLE enjoying a romantic stroll around the shops are taking up the entire fucking pavement, other pedestrians have confirmed.

People who pretended to like Twin Peaks first time around facing very difficult summer

THE return of Twin Peaks means a challenging summer for those who faked enjoying it first time around.