A RESCUE cat has confirmed it is not interested in your sentimental bullshit about having a 'loving home' and just wants food.
HEDGEHOGS have confirmed they do not like trampolining and children should not make them do it.
DOGS have pathetically self-indulgent emotions just like humans, it has emerged.
A DOG has confirmed he is ready to begin negotiations for letting go of a stick.
KEN Livingstone named one of his pet newts ‘Adolf’, it has emerged.
A WOODPECKER and a weasel have moved in together and are ‘excited about starting a family’.
A GROUP of neighbourhood dogs said last night’s two-hour barking session was one of the best this year.
RUFUS the hawk has entered the Wimbledon men's semi-finals despite never having played competitive tennis.