BRITAIN'S famous people are to spend much of their time engaged in base sexual practices after being given the go-ahead by a High Court judge.

This goat is working its way through the Cabinet

"Then I'll bend over and get a cow to lick my bum, while I put a finger to my mouth and pretend to look all surprised."

He added: "Does this mean I should not be in charge of a multi-billion pound department or be telling other people how to live their lives?

"Who cares? Not me, that's for sure - I'm the King of Goat Sex!"

The judgement was also welcomed by Britain's most respected celebrity goat humpers, including B** Mc***** and J**** *****-P****.

But Tom Logan, deputy sex editor of the Daily Mail said: "This is a crushing blow for our readership, many of whom are dependent on stories about C-list genitalia.

"But at least I will now be able to have sandpaper dragged across my buttocks by an Alan Hansen look-a-like in the privacy of my own caravan."

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