Animals Headlines

Army To Stop Firing Goats Into Walls

THE British Army is to phase out the practice of firing goats into walls, the Ministry of Defence announced last night. 

'What The F*ck Is Wrong With That Gerbil?' Ask Zoologists

A NEW species of mammal, described as a 'weird-looking gerbily thing with a massive conk', has been discovered in the mountains of Tanzania.

'Look at the size of this f**king rat' say zoologists

A NEW species of giant rat has been discovered in a remote region of New Guinea by a team of totally freaked-out zoologists.

Dog has shit

WORKERS at a Tesco superstore watched yesterday as a dog had a huge shit in the middle of their car park.

Orangutans Amused By Mr Bean

ORANGUTANS have a sense of humour but it is very poor, scientists have discovered. 

Don't Shower With Your Turkey, Warn Experts

SHOWERING with your turkey could ruin Christmas, food safety experts warned last night.

'Genius' Chimps Spend All Day Throwing Shit

GENIUS chimps who beat students in an intelligence test still spend most of their day throwing shit at each other, scientists confirmed last night. 

Britain's Oldest Cat 'Hates Asians'

BRITAIN'S oldest cat hates Asians and thinks the Siamese are all 'bi-sexual scroungers', it emerged last night.