Animals Headlines

Hands Up Who Hasn't Shagged This Camel

A BEAUTIFUL camel who also claims to be a part-time model is really just a dirty skank who is mad for cock, one of her ex-boyfriends revealed last night. 

Ant Colonies Just Like 'Dallas', Say Experts

ANT colonies are not harmoniously run communes but large sprawling ranches in Texas rife with infighting and extra-marital affairs, new research reveals.

Gladiators A Big Hit With Monkey Test Audience

THE new series of Gladiators has been given the green light after Britain's captive monkey population gave it a non-opposable thumbs-up.

Army To Stop Firing Goats Into Walls

THE British Army is to phase out the practice of firing goats into walls, the Ministry of Defence announced last night. 

'What The F*ck Is Wrong With That Gerbil?' Ask Zoologists

A NEW species of mammal, described as a 'weird-looking gerbily thing with a massive conk', has been discovered in the mountains of Tanzania.

'Look at the size of this f**king rat' say zoologists

A NEW species of giant rat has been discovered in a remote region of New Guinea by a team of totally freaked-out zoologists.

Dog has shit

WORKERS at a Tesco superstore watched yesterday as a dog had a huge shit in the middle of their car park.

Orangutans Amused By Mr Bean

ORANGUTANS have a sense of humour but it is very poor, scientists have discovered.